Solving the mystery of why do goats have 3" arseholes and shit coffee beans. See Pinned Comment.

... such a... uh... fascinating and enlightening subject?

This question had been on my mind for like 55 years.


Goats have arseholes the size of 3" water pipe. Why do they shit coffee beans?


ChatGPT said:

That's a colorful way to put it — but let's break it down with some real biology.

Why do goat droppings look like "coffee beans"?

Goats, like deer, sheep, and other ruminants, produce pellet-like feces for a few key reasons:

1. Water Reabsorption

Goats are very efficient at conserving water. Their digestive systems reabsorb a lot of moisture, especially in dry environments. The result is dry, firm, round pellets, not messy or soft feces like in omnivores or carnivores.

2. Ruminant Digestion

Goats have a four-chambered stomach that breaks down tough plant material through fermentation. By the time food passes through all the chambers and the intestines, most nutrients and water are extracted, leaving behind compressed, fibrous waste.

3. Anatomy of the Colon

The goat's colon helps shape the feces into small pellets. The muscle contractions segment the digested material into pieces before it's expelled. Think of it like squeezing toothpaste out in little bursts — the structure creates uniform "beans."

4. Survival Efficiency

In the wild, pelletized feces drop cleanly, don't stick to fur, and don't attract predators with strong smells. Evolution favors animals whose waste doesn't slow them down or give them away.


But what about the size comparison?

Yes, goats can have quite a wide rectum (they’re surprisingly resilient animals), but feces don’t exit at maximum aperture. Just like how a 4-lane highway might only have one car exiting a ramp — the size of the hole doesn't determine the shape of the content. The internal processing and muscle control determine how the feces are expelled.

So:

Goats "shit coffee beans" because of how efficiently they digest and extract water from their food — not because of the size of their exit pipe.