This is Jinsy - The Life and Times of Mrs Goadian

Mrs. Godium:

"And her eyebrows met in the middle. Like two catepillars fornicating. Ooo hang on."

"Have you come about the guttering?"

"I've got leaks everywhere. When it rains I have to sit here and catch the water in the mouth like this.
Drip, Drip, Drip, then I spit it in a bucket like this. Spit.
Drip, Drip, Drip, Spit. It's relentless. It really distracts me from my work."

Visitor:

"Actually I've been invited here for my dinner."

Mrs. Godium:

"Ohhh, go ahead."

Mrs. Godium:

"What was I saying? Ahh yes - two eye brows fornicating."


"I've had a funny life, really. I've spent most of it in this hut. I once considered asking them for a bigger hut. But I've found as I get older, I'm shrinking. I reckon by the time I'm about 84. It'll be just the right size for me."


"Last time there was a blockage it turned out to be one of those bob a job job boys. He'd been down there a week. I heard the cries, but I just thought it was the voices in my head. "Help - I'm stuck down the drain".

Mr. Met:

"Why would the voices in your head say that?"


Mrs. Godium:

"Well they say all sorts of things. For instance yesterday, they told me to knit a full-size figure of myself. Which is a utterly ridiculous. Oh look, I've made a start."

The Snitch Post:

"Right. Anyone who knows the true identity of mystery singer the zoop should report to the snitch hut immediately. By order of Arbor to Maith. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh."

Mrs. Godium:

"Morning, Mr. Met. Going someone nice."

Mr. Met:

"Hardly. I'm going to the post office, to sort out these erroneous deliveries. Have you had anything you weren't expecting Mrs. Godium?"


Mrs. Godium:

"Oh, yes. There was that time a very large dog wandered into my bedroom. I was awoken by a massive tounge licking me all over. It was an hour before they could get him off. I just wouldn't let go."