How Women Choose Men for Sex | 5 Things Science Says Men Can Do

This episode is about what makes a woman want to sleep with one man — and reject another.

Some men appear to attract women effortlessly. Others struggle despite being intelligent, successful, kind, or otherwise having much to offer. Height, looks, strength, humour, confidence, and sexual chemistry all enter the conversation — but the research suggests they may not matter in quite the ways men have been led to believe.

Women are also considerably more selective about casual sex than men. Yet what women say they want, what they select on a dating app, and who they actually become attracted to when meeting a man may be surprisingly different things.

I discuss women’s short-term sexual attraction, physical attractiveness, male height and strength, humour, anticipated sexual pleasure, dating-app filters, stated versus revealed preferences, and what shorter and average men can practically do to improve their dating prospects.

Some advantages are genetic. Others are trainable. And understanding the difference may save men from competing in the wrong way — and in the wrong places.

– CHAPTERS –

00:00 What Makes a Woman Want One Man — and Reject Another?
00:52 My Personal Experience and Remaining Positive
01:29 Physical Attractiveness Matters Most for Casual Sex
06:08 Height Helps — But Strength Is Trainable
08:34 Humour Makes You More Sexually Desirable
11:10 Women Need Casual Sex to Feel Worth the Risk
14:40 Let Women Meet the Whole Man
16:41 What Men Can Actually Do to Improve Their Chances
17:11 Final Thoughts

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Disclaimer: This video is commentary and personal opinion. It is not financial, legal, psychological, medical, or relationship advice.

Support: If you are in crisis, contact your local crisis line or emergency services. In Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. Outside Australia, find a local helpline through Befrienders Worldwide. If life is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.

#ExistentialEvan #DatingAdvice #MaleAttractiveness

– REFERENCES –

Short-Term Mate Preferences:

Li, N. P., & Kenrick, D. T. (2006). Sex similarities and differences in preferences for short-term mates: What, whether, and why. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90(3), 468–489. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.90.3.468

Physical Attractiveness & Online Dating:

Witmer, J., Rosenbusch, H., & Meral, E. O. (2025). The relative importance of looks, height, job, bio, intelligence, and homophily in online dating: A conjoint analysis. Computers in Human Behavior Reports, 17, Article 100579. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chbr.2024.100579

Height Preferences:

Stulp, G., Buunk, A. P., Kurzban, R., & Verhulst, S. (2013). The height of choosiness: Mutual mate choice for stature results in suboptimal pair formation for both sexes. Animal Behaviour, 86(1), 37–46. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.anbehav.2013.03.038

Male Strength & Bodily Attractiveness:

Sell, A., Lukazsweski, A. W., & Townsley, M. (2017). Cues of upper body strength account for most of the variance in men’s bodily attractiveness. Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 284(1869), Article 20171819. https://doi.org/10.1098/rspb.2017.1819

Humour & Partner Desirability:

Tornquist, M., & Chiappe, D. (2015). Effects of humor production, humor receptivity, and physical attractiveness on partner desirability. Evolutionary Psychology, 13(4), Article 1474704915608744. https://doi.org/10.1177/1474704915608744

Casual Sex, Pleasure & Risk:

Clark, R. D., III, & Hatfield, E. (1989). Gender differences in receptivity to sexual offers. Journal of Psychology & Human Sexuality, 2(1), 39–55. https://doi.org/10.1300/J056v02n01_04

Conley, T. D. (2011). Perceived proposer personality characteristics and gender differences in acceptance of casual sex offers. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100(2), 309–329. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0022152

Stated Preferences vs. Real Attraction:

Eastwick, P. W., & Finkel, E. J. (2008). Sex differences in mate preferences revisited: Do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(2), 245–264. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.94.2.245

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